Break the Rules to Win

Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all of you fellow Canadians out there! And happy weekend to all of the rest of my wonderful readers I hope Saturday treated you well

My Saturday was eventful. Hangouts with the fam, another shopping spree, gym date with my Mom, and Thanksgiving dinner numero 1 filled up my day!

The plan for this post was to update you with all of my purchases, the new workout I created for myself to do today, and some pictures from the evening of my family and I However, I am feeling really passionate about another topic right now, so I will save the fashion, fitness, and family post for a later date (most likely tomorrow).

Although I have never shared my entire history regarding my struggles with body image and food with all of you yet, it has been implied through many of my previous posts (and comments that I leave on other blogs) that I have over come many struggles in the past; that struggle being an eating disorder which I will be referring to as ED.

I am recovered from ED. However, I believe that even when an individual recovers from ED, ED thoughts will still arise every now and then. Thankfully now that I am recovered, I am able to deal with these ED thoughts in an appropriate and healthful manner. Before, when I was consumed in ED, I would follow and obey thoughts or rules made by ED. Today, in my recovery stage, I break ED rules.

That’s exactly what happened tonight.

I broke the rules.

And when you break ED rules, you always win.

In one of my previous posts, I discussed with all of you that I set a goal for myself to ditch my usual bedtime snack of egg whites and start having something more substantial. The next day, I shared with all of you that I was successful in the goal I set for myself and have been ever since From the day I set the goal for myself to have more than just egg whites for a bedtime snack, I have been doing so and absolutely loving it. I sleep better and I know I am doing my body good.

Tonight was different though.

Tonight was my first Thanksgiving dinner out of two this weekend. Dinner took place at a hall because it was combined with a family member’s 50th anniversary as well. I had a fantastic turkey dinner and enjoyed every morsel just like any regular meal After dinner I had a chance to visit with family and hang out with my cousins who are very much like my sisters It was such a great time! When it was time to go home later in the evening, I initially thought that I would have a nice big bowl of protein fro yo when I got home It had been a few hours since we ate dinner and I knew I needed a snack before I went to sleep for the night.

All of a sudden, I started contradicting my original plan. For some reason I started to think an evening snack wasn’t necessary for me tonight.

Bogus!

I told myself immediately that I definitely did need an evening snack tonight.

What was so different about tonight anyways?

Well apparently, there was a lot different about tonight…

– Dinner took place at a later time than when I usually eat

– On “ordinary” days I would have had my evening snack already

And the list went on with pathetic excuses…
Suddenly, I was thinking of alternative snacks to my protein fro yo that I so desperately wanted in the first place. Going back to my old evening snack, egg whites, seemed like a fantastic idea.

For some reason this evening snack of egg whites seemed “safer” and someone or something was “happier” about this option over the protein fro yo.

ED was that something.

ED started making rules for me. ED was the one putting thoughts of doubt in my head about my bedtime snack. What else would make me think I didn’t need a bedtime snack tonight? What else would tell me it’s too late to eat my bedtime snack? What else would make me anxious to eat at a different time than “normal”?

Every answer lead to ED.

I had made a promise to myself long ago that I will never let ED win again. I was able to determine that these thoughts and doubts that I was having were ED thoughts which led me to use my experience and knowledge to over come these ED thoughts.

How did I over come these thoughts? How did I break these ED rules?

I find it extremely beneficial if I assess each ED thought individually. I question the thought and ask: “Does this thought make sense?”
“Would I be pleasing ED or Meg if I obeyed this thought?”
”If I obey the thought, is ED winning? or am I?”
If the thought doesn’t make sense and is unrealistic…
If I would be pleasing ED instead of myself…
If ED would win instead of me…
I know not to obey the thought.

At this time, if I am still struggling with disobeying the thought I reinforce my healthy decision with my experience and factual knowledge that I have gained over the years.

Tonight, I told myself that my body does not know what time it is; therefore, I can eat at any time and it will not matter.
I told myself that I had ate dinner quite a few hours ago, so if I didn’t have a bedtime snack I would be depriving my body of fuel.
I told myself many positive affirmations and thoughts as well such as:

– I am deserving of any type of bedtime snack I want

– The bedtime snack will only help me

– Live life to the fullest. How is a bedtime snack going to hurt you? (I answered this question by saying, “By not having this bedtime snack, I am only hurting myself”)

The use of positive affirmations, positive thoughts, and factual knowledge helped me through my decision of breaking the ED rules that appeared tonight and I was able to enjoy my bowl of protein fro yo

Just as I intended

Can you relate to this post?
Did you find this post beneficial? Can you use some of the knowledge I shared with you when you are in this situation?
Do you have a definition of ED recovery?

Good night friends and sweet dreams!

Meg
xoxo

P.s. for all of you who have been emailing me, THANK YOU I am so happy you feel as though you can ask me questions and confide in me for certain things I am reading the emails tonight and will email all of you back! Xoxo