Break the Rules to Win

Happy Thanksgiving weekend to all of you fellow Canadians out there! Open-mouthed smile And happy weekend to all of the rest of my wonderful readers Smile I hope Saturday treated you well Smile

My Saturday was eventful. Hangouts with the fam, another shopping spree, gym date with my Mom, and Thanksgiving dinner numero 1 filled up my day!

Garfield-Thanksgiving-Turkey1

The plan for this post was to update you with all of my purchases, the new workout I created for myself to do today, and some pictures from the evening of my family and I Smile However, I am feeling really passionate about another topic right now, so I will save the fashion, fitness, and family post for a later date (most likely tomorrow). Winking smile

Although I have never shared my entire history regarding my struggles with body image and food with all of you yet, it has been implied through many of my previous posts (and comments that I leave on other blogs) that I have over come many struggles in the past; that struggle being an eating disorder which I will be referring to as ED.

I am recovered from ED. However, I believe that even when an individual recovers from ED, ED thoughts will still arise every now and then. Thankfully now that I am recovered, I am able to deal with these ED thoughts in an appropriate and healthful manner. Before, when I was consumed in ED, I would follow and obey thoughts or rules made by ED. Today, in my recovery stage, I break ED rules.

That’s exactly what happened tonight.

I broke the rules.

And when you break ED rules, you always win.

In one of my previous posts, I discussed with all of you that I set a goal for myself to ditch my usual bedtime snack of egg whites and start having something more substantial. The next day, I shared with all of you that I was successful in the goal I set for myself and have been ever since Smile From the day I set the goal for myself to have more than just egg whites for a bedtime snack, I have been doing so and absolutely loving it. I sleep better and I know I am doing my body good.

Tonight was different though.

Tonight was my first Thanksgiving dinner out of two this weekend. Dinner took place at a hall because it was combined with a family member’s 50th anniversary as well. I had a fantastic turkey dinner and enjoyed every morsel just like any regular meal Smile After dinner I had a chance to visit with family and hang out with my cousins who are very much like my sisters Smile It was such a great time! When it was time to go home later in the evening, I initially thought that I would have a nice big bowl of protein fro yo when I got home Smile It had been a few hours since we ate dinner and I knew I needed a snack before I went to sleep for the night.

All of a sudden, I started contradicting my original plan. For some reason I started to think an evening snack wasn’t necessary for me tonight.

Bogus!

I told myself immediately that I definitely did need an evening snack tonight.

What was so different about tonight anyways?

Well apparently, there was a lot different about tonight…

– Dinner took place at a later time than when I usually eat

– On “ordinary” days I would have had my evening snack already

And the list went on with pathetic excuses
Suddenly, I was thinking of alternative snacks to my protein fro yo that I so desperately wanted in the first place. Going back to my old evening snack, egg whites, seemed like a fantastic idea.

For some reason this evening snack of egg whites seemed “safer” and someone or something was “happier” about this option over the protein fro yo.

ED was that something.

ED started making rules for me. ED was the one putting thoughts of doubt in my head about my bedtime snack. What else would make me think I didn’t need a bedtime snack tonight? What else would tell me it’s too late to eat my bedtime snack? What else would make me anxious to eat at a different time than “normal”?

Every answer lead to ED.

I had made a promise to myself long ago that I will never let ED win again. I was able to determine that these thoughts and doubts that I was having were ED thoughts which led me to use my experience and knowledge to over come these ED thoughts.

How did I over come these thoughts? How did I break these ED rules?

I find it extremely beneficial if I assess each ED thought individually. I question the thought and ask: “Does this thought make sense?”
“Would I be pleasing ED or Meg if I obeyed this thought?”
”If I obey the thought, is ED winning? or am I?”
If the thought doesn’t make sense and is unrealistic…
If I would be pleasing ED instead of myself…
If ED would win instead of me…
I know not to obey the thought.

At this time, if I am still struggling with disobeying the thought I reinforce my healthy decision with my experience and factual knowledge that I have gained over the years.

Tonight, I told myself that my body does not know what time it is; therefore, I can eat at any time and it will not matter.
I told myself that I had ate dinner quite a few hours ago, so if I didn’t have a bedtime snack I would be depriving my body of fuel.
I told myself many positive affirmations and thoughts as well such as:

– I am deserving of any type of bedtime snack I want

– The bedtime snack will only help me

– Live life to the fullest. How is a bedtime snack going to hurt you? (I answered this question by saying, “By not having this bedtime snack, I am only hurting myself”)

The use of positive affirmations, positive thoughts, and factual knowledge helped me through my decision of breaking the ED rules that appeared tonight and I was able to enjoy my bowl of protein fro yo Smile

IMG-20111008-00356

Just as I intended Smile

Can you relate to this post?
Did you find this post beneficial? Can you use some of the knowledge I shared with you when you are in this situation?
Do you have a definition of ED recovery?

Good night friends and sweet dreams!

Meg
xoxo

P.s. for all of you who have been emailing me, THANK YOU Open-mouthed smile I am so happy you feel as though you can ask me questions and confide in me for certain things Smile I am reading the emails tonight and will email all of you back! Xoxo

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About Meg (A Dash of Meg)

Hello, my name is Meg. I am a 20-year-old passionate Foods & Nutrition student on my way to becoming a Registered Dietitian who loves food, cooking, fitness, seafood, and a nice cup of tea.

Posted on October 9, 2011, in Snack, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 35 Comments.

  1. kaliesthoughts

    I am so glad you did this for yourself way to go!!! I know how you feel when you talk about setting rules for yourself with an ED! I do that too, I have yet to break them though!

  2. ED rules are meant to be broken! Horray for turning your back against them and doing what is right for YOU! It’s so empowering to make decisions that we know will positively impact us, insn’t it?! ❤

  3. Yipee!! You have no idea how happy I am to read this, keep up the great work! Doesn’t it feel amazing to tell that stupid ED voice to shut up? 😉
    Who knew breaking rules could be so much fun haha!

  4. Congratulations Meg! It is so nice of you to open up and share what you have overcome with us. For readers like me, we often hear “once you are recovered, the thoughts no longer exist”. It is comforting to know that maybe I am on the right path and can still have occasional eating disorder thoughts without considering myself in relapse.

    Good job. You are SUCH an inspiration. I am glad that you kept your promise to yourself and did not let ED ruin your night! Protein Fro Yo is still a healthy and tasty snack so you should NEVER feel guilty about having it (or even two servings hehe)

  5. Yay well done girl! So glad to hear you completely poonanied that eating disorder, this sounds like a fab step in the right direction.

  6. Beautiful post! I admire you for your honesty 🙂 I struggle from very similar thoughts on a daily basis. Although we are in the recovery process.. ED creeps up time and time again! My mom had an ED when she was my age,and we’ve been discussing things such as this a lot lately. She says that it is a psychological mindset, and although it gets easier to get back to a more “normal” eating pattern, ED always is hiding in the background. The most important thing is to disregard him so we can LIVE OUR LIVES 🙂 More to life than food alone, right? Take the pressure off yourself girl, there is more to you than food alone. 🙂 You’re a beautiful and intelligent girl, and food is merely food that keeps our lives running!

  7. Good for you, Meg! This is such an honest, heart-felt post. It takes a lot of courage to write about your feelings and I really admire you for it!

  8. Love this post Meg! Even when we’re recovered, those ED thoughts still tend to surface every so often… and it’s especially hard around holidays that involve lots of eating like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can totally relate! 🙂 But I don’t think it’s the lack of ED thoughts that indicate recovery – it’s being able to tell those thoughts to shut up. That’s awesome that you were able to do that! Enjoy the rest of your Thanksgiving girl!

  9. Yay I’m so glad that you are also working towards eating properly again!! Food is not the enemy which is hard for us to realize sometimes – it only helps us fuel our bodies!!!!!!
    I’ve had that hunger that wakes you up in the middle of the night – it’s the worst feeling ever!!!!
    Good for you making progress 🙂
    xoxox

  10. so proud of you! i regularly have internal conversations with myself kinda like this and i love how good i feel when logic wins!

  11. ED recovery is unlike any other addiction recovery. Alcoholics can quit and never have to touch alcohol again… same with drugs and cigarettes. But those recovering from ED still have to eat every day. The trigger is always there… and it’s so hard. Good for you for doing whats right ❤ stay strong

  12. You are so awesome for breaking ED’s rules–and the protein froyo looks so good! I have issues with the eating “too late” thing too. Like if I go out for the night and see a movie or something and I don’t get back home in time for my usual snack, I have a hard time letting myself eat. But this inspires me to break that silly rule and let myself have a snack, even if it’s later than usual!

  13. Meg thank you so much for writing this! This weekend especially had been difficult for me. I don’t talk about it on my blog (just in case my students find it) but I struggle with a lot of things as well. ED is very mean, don’t you think?? He comes and goes at all the worst times and though it’s hard to fight him, we can’t give up!! Recovery is tough and it’s going to have battles but in time we will learn how to tell ED to eff off (excuse my language)… Eating is the best thing ever and we should never ever feel bad for it.

    Have an amazing thanksgiving and enjoy meal #2 to the fullest!! You are amazing and never forget it! xoxo

  14. This is such a great post Meg! I am so glad that you were able to overcome this. I have never had an ED so I can’t necessarily and fully relate but one of my best friends has had one so I do know a little about them. You are so right about your body not knowing what time it is. I used to be worried about that, eating too late but who cares! There is no rule saying that you have to eat at a certain time, just whenever you want! Glad you are learning to overcome your struggles 😀 xox

  15. Yesss I’ve been so good about breaking ED rules lately 🙂 My ED used to tell me that I couldn’t eat simple sugars like cereals lacking in fiber, anything that isn’t whole wheat, and god forbid drinks that aren’t calorie free. Then I started incorporating them to try and help my running. It worked! No more upset stomach, better recovery after races and workouts.. I knew I was recovered when I could gain weight and eat well because I wanted to put running first.

  16. ALL YOU DO IS WIN!!

    Wow, reading this was definitely a “I could have written that!” moment – I still deal with those ED thoughts sometimes, and the bedtime snack thing is a huge one for me. I always have a pretty big one, since I run in the mornings before eating much (so its like my pre-run fuel) – but bigger, later dinners make that tough. I guess I haven’t really “won” on that front yet….I usually sort of compromise and say ” I can have whatever and however much I’m hungry for and in the mood for, as long as I have something substantial”….and usually if I start out with something that’s not gonna do me any good, like just a bit of fruit, I’ll end up going back for more 🙂

    I guess I don’t have a definition of ED recovery – but that’s a great idea! and the rule thing is too! I think after reading this I realize I kinda need a definition…maybe I’ll try the rules thing for awhile 🙂 🙂 thanks so much for this post!!!!!

    • I am so happy you read this Kate 🙂 ❤ I feel like we connect xoxo in treatment I had to write a definition of recovery. It really helped me. I also learn to assess "rules" every so often. Every once in a while think about things… is your routine/habits/etc. ED related? Do you do things to please ED or are the things you are doing for yourself only? 🙂 It really helps me 🙂

  17. Thank you for sharing this Meg! I of course can relate to sooo much of this and it really helps to know others out there understand!

  18. I’m glad that you broke the rules. When I first started eating 6-7 times a day, I often had similar ED thoughts and tried to convince myself why I needed to skip a meal. Now I always have my before bed protein dough – even at 3am! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  19. How do you make protein froyo?
    And can you recommend a good exercise regime for a beginner with no gym or money? Something to do every day on a weekly basis to keep progressing and getting stronger?

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